December 13, 2010
Nick’s Gigantic, Primitive iPod *Explicit*
Usually with this blog, I like to find something and bash the everliving shit out of it. It’s fun to do and it’s fun to read. I
also usually wow you with stunning visuals that make you laugh, and make you think. But today, I’m about to flip this bitch upside-down and inside-out, and upturn every damn convention you’ve grown to love about the Critical Observer.
You see, it’s time to praise something.
“Whaaaaaaat?” You may ask. I’ll tell you what. MIDI music. That’s right. Mother fucking MIDI music.
Some of you know what that is, and you’re already nodding your head and saying, “AWWWW Shit! He’s goin’ there!”
Others may be scratching said organ, wondering what the fuck I’m babbling about.
MIDI music is how The Machine bares its soul to the world. It’s how boy-computers serenade girl-computers. It’s what 1′s and zeros sound like, if they sounded like anything at all.
MIDI stands for Musical Instrument Digital Interface. I got that from wikipedia. I tried learning more about it, but my eyes glazed over ten seconds after reading the acronym. It’s all very complicated and tech-ish. If someone tries to tell you that it’s not complicated, then they are probably smarter than you. Do not talk to them. All YOU need to know is that MIDI music is not actual recorded music, but rather a set of instructions that a computer reads, then uses to recreate said Eargasm.
If you’ve ever played the original Nintendo games, you’ve no doubt jammed out to some rockin’ MIDI tunes, and didn’t even know it! As far as I’m concerned, MIDI music reaches its pinnacle of perfection on video game sound tracks. They are almost entirely responsible for creating a game’s mood: that MIDI theme in the background lets you know whether you’re somewhere dangerous, somewhere fun, or hopefully somewhere that’s both!!!
There is probably only one place where I can truly start this magical MIDI odyssey, and that has to be the Super Mario Brothers theme song. Everybody knows this diddy, even if they have no clue who the fuck these Mario Brothers are. Even if they pronounce it (MEHR-EE-OH):
(SPECIAL NOTE TO THOSE WITH ADHD: please don’t feel you have to listen to the whole thing when I post these songs. They are for demonstration purposes only. Listen as little or as much as you want. SPECIAL NOTE TO ANYONE ABOVE FORTY: Remember to pause the above video before proceeding to the next.)
Now, doesn’t that bring back some fond memories? The problem is that you’ve heard this song so many times, you’ve grown complacent and you think it’s a simple little song. But is it? Listen to a piano version of the same song, in this case performed by a Viatnamese war veteran:
Not so simple, is it? That’s the biggest misconception about MIDI’s.
The truth is, They can actually blow you’re fucking mind.
Case in point. The game is “Duck Tales.” You enter a level called “African Mines.” And then you’re eardrums IMPLODE:
What the hell just happened? Why is this exceedingly complex, ultra funky blues song playing on some random level on some random child’s game? I don’t know! Why don’t you ask Scrooge McDuck? I guess money CAN buy happiness.
Here is the same song performed by humans:
That’s one of the other cool things about the MIDIs in video games: they’re actually a whole genre of music for cover bands, such as the “OneUps” shown above.
Then, of course, there is the crowning glory of all MIDI video game songs. The most epic, adventure-inspiring score of all time. I am speaking of none other than the Zelda theme song:
Hmmm. Errr. Actually, I remember this song being a little better. I guess it sounds kind of silly now. I still like it though, so screw you!
However, here is an orchestral version, which is worth hearing. FYI It takes about 20 seconds to get past the intro, so just bare with it for a little:
I realize as I’m posting these “real life versions” that perhaps it’s not so much that MIDIs themselves rock, but that there were many talented composers writing these video game theme songs. Maybe it’s just a nostalgia thing with MIDI’s, but to me there’s a certain charm to their robotic representation of music. They are quaint and clunky and lovable in that special way all technology was in the 1980′s.
Now, for a special treat, I’ll leave you with a personal favorite of mine. When I was thirteen eleven, I discovered on “Sonic: The Hedgehog 2″ that I could go to a certain menu and simply listen to any song in the game without actually playing through the level. I could literally use my video game system as a gigantic, primitive iPod! Uhhhhhh, JACKPOT! Here is the track I danced to when no one was around.
I present to you “Oil Ocean Zone:”
